


A New Direction

by DryCereal



Series: Fatherhood [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fuzzy maybe, IVF, Kinda Fluffy, M/M, Scared Author, Scared phil, Supportive dan, Surrogacy, pre-parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DryCereal/pseuds/DryCereal
Summary: It's not what they planned...





	A New Direction

There’s nothing on the tray table in front of him, he doesn’t even know why he pulled it down after take-off, except maybe just out of habit, or for something to do.  
He’d drummed his fingers on it anxiously at first, til Dan (sat next to him, as always) had seized his hands, placing one in his lap gently, and kept hold of the other, giving it a gentle squeeze every now and again. It’s not enough to distract from his thoughts though, imagining the surface in front of him being the one he’d been stood in front of, also staring blankly at, three months earlier. Simultaneously barely a minute, and an entire lifetime ago.  
  
That table hadn’t been empty though. There’d been an empty pot and a ridiculously detailed sheet of instructions resting on it, as he’d paced back and forth across the small, antiseptic room. Eventually, he’d given up, pulled out his phone and sent Dan a message, wrenching the door open at the sound of the quiet knock and pulling him through the doorway with enough force that they’d collided with the table, though luckily not hard enough to send everything on it tumbling to the floor.  
  
“Whoa- I didn’t think you wanted me here for this, but if you’re that desperate for my help I’ll…” Dan had started, laughing, before he saw the expression on Phil’s face and sobered immediately.  
  
“Phil, you okay? What’s wrong?” he’d asked, trying and failing to establish eye contact, as Phil, obviously awkward, attempted to turn away from him. “Hey. C’mere…” he had continued, catching Phil and turning him into his chest, wrapping his arms round him securely as he felt Phil bury his face into his neck.  
  
They’d stood there for a few minutes, silently, before Phil had felt calm enough to draw away slightly, lift his head and look at the familiar deep brown eyes, focussed on him, but narrowed ever-so-slightly, as Dan waited for him to speak.  
  
“I’m sorry, I just-“  
  
“It’s ok Phil” Dan had immediately rushed to reassure him, even without knowing the problem. “I said I’d help if needed. I can.. I don’t mind, whatever you- “  
  
“It’s not _that_!” Phil couldn’t help smiling, it helped when Dan’s lips twitched upwards too, a brief grin that faded too quickly as he’d continued. “I just…” He gestured uselessly at the waistband of his jeans, still buttoned, fly still zipped. “…can’t.”  
  
“Can’t...? What, Phil?” Dan had questioned, looking equal parts confused and worried. “It’s just…” He’d gestured towards the pot.  
  
“Yeah, just… it’s not that, it’s-” Phil had looked up at the ceiling, before taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it, well aware that he was being overly dramatic, but not really caring about that; “it’s after this, when- “  
  
“That’s up to the doctors, love. We can’t do anything about- “  
  
“No! I don’t mean-” he’d waved a hand at the door vaguely, “not that. Just… _After_.”

“Well, we spend the next forty-ish weeks being as supportive as we can, and then a day and a night or so being _even more_ supportive, and brave, and calm, and then we do our best to bring up a baby. **Our baby.** ” Dan had finished, by this point having moved his hands from around Phil’s shoulders to cup his face, rubbing his thumbs over his cheeks gently. “It’s what we’ve been planning for, what we want, right?”  
  
“But what if- “

“Well, it might.” Dan had conceded, quietly, not even needing, or, more likely willing to let Phil finish that sentence. “But that’s not what we’re supposed to think. You’re supposed to be the optimistic one, so let’s be hopeful, hmm?”  
  
“Dan I- I can’t.” Phil had whispered, eyes scrunched shut tight, determined not to let his voice wobble.  
  
“Listen.” Dan’s said urgently, “just... Phil. There is a woman out there who has already put her body through hell to give us this chance, and- “  
  
“I’m scared.”  
  
“Me too, love, but… really, this is the easy part. You’ve just got to fill up the tub.”  
  
“But what if I… if it isn’t, doesn’t- “  
  
“Then we’ll try again until it _does_. Listen. Phil, there’s no reason to think it won’t work, that we won’t have a baby. You both took all the tests, you’re both healthy, the Doctor said- “  
  
_“I want you to do it.”_  
  
They’d both stood, stunned into silence by that declaration for at least a minute. Dan had been the one to break the silence, the hesitance clear in his voice.  
  
“Phil, we… we agreed it’d be you, that you’d-” he’d trailed off, obviously unsure whether to push, or to agree.  
  
“I know.” He’d replied. “I know we said it’d- but it’s our baby. It doesn’t matter which- “  
  
“It does though” Dan’d interjected, obviously worried. “Phil… you took the tests, we know it’s okay for you to- We planned for…”  
  
“Dan, **_please_** _.”_ His voice caught as he broke completely, the worry and the nerves and the fear of letting everyone down, letting Dan down, and-  
  
Dan’s arms were back around him with his head pressed into his neck as he’d tried to get a hold on himself, tried to calm down…  
  
“Shhh love, it’s okay, it’s alright.” He’d felt Dan running his fingers through the hair on the back of his head, gently but firmly combing his fingers through his hair. Although it was nice, he wasn’t soothed, not entirely.  
  
“Dan- I know it’s not what we planned, but please. I want it to be you. It _has_ to be. **_Please_**.” He felt the fingers still, before Dan pulled away slightly so they’re face to face.  
  
“Phil… The only reason I’m not dragging you home to discuss this properly is we literally have **no** time to do that. That tub needs to be filled and be handed over so that- So… Honestly, definitely, are you **_absolutely sure_** ab- “  
  
“Yes- please Dan, just... Yes. You.”  
  
Another silence had stretched between them then, as Dan wiped Phil’s cheeks dry gently, then searched his face for any sign of doubt.  
  
“Okay- “  
  
He didn’t get to finish his sentence before Phil had seized him, kissing him firmly and hugging him tightly.  
  
“ _Thank you Dan, I swear, this is what I want, this is_ **exactly** \- it’s- I mean-“  
  
“Okay, this isn’t helping you goof, get off me and go wait outside whilst I-“ Dan replied, laughing. Phil grabbed him again, kissing him deeply, pressing them close together before he pulled away, heading for the door and walking through as Dan jokingly thanked him “for the help.”  
  
He was waiting for a while outside, before Dan, flushed and a little sweaty, emerged through the door, not making eye contact, and headed to the desk down the corridor, pot firmly sealed and gripped in his fist.  
  
That was months ago though. They’d had time to discuss what had happened that day and why, even if Phil hadn’t been able to put into words the _why_ exactly, he’d been more than able to prove that he had no regrets, that is, until-  
  
Until two days ago, when they’d had the scan, and everything had gone as well as could be. They’d seen their baby, found out that she was a she, cried, laughed, been relieved when the Doctors had pronounced both mother and baby as healthy as could be, and they’d left together, complete with a DVD and an envelope filled with still pictures of their baby.  
  
And Dan had phoned his Mum to tell her she’d soon be a grandmother.  
  
And Phil realised he’d have to tell his own mother that… well, that she _was_ , only _not_. Really.  
  
That’s why they’re on this plane now. Flying over North Wales, heading to the Isle of Man to surprise his parents with a visit, and some news he hopes they’ll be thrilled by, even if he is carrying the weight of somehow having let them down in a rather large way.

Dan had suggested just _not_ telling them, not telling _anyone_ , but Phil had argued it would probably be pretty obvious, after the baby was born, so it was better just to tell their families ahead of time. He’d won, hence the trip, in person, Dan also having given up on the suggestion of a phone call after one look from his husband.  
  
He’s been quiet all day, distracted, and that doesn’t change once they’ve landed, Dan having to steer him from the plane through the arrivals hall, grabbing their case off the belt and from there to the taxi rank, giving the address to the driver before folding themselves into the back seat for the short ride. Phil’s so lost in his thoughts that Dan’s paid the driver and has their luggage out of the boot before Phil’s even noticed they’ve pulled up, in fact he has to open the door and practically pull him out of the car too before it drives off.  
  
They walk up the path hand in hand, and as Phil reaches for the doorbell, Dan wraps a steadying arm around his waist. The squeal of delight at the surprise visit sounds faraway, and they’re swept down the hall and into the kitchen where his Dad’s sitting at the table before they know it. Kettle on, poured, and coffee brewing, he finally pulls himself together enough to speak.  
  
“Mum, Dad… We-we’ve got some news.”

**Author's Note:**

>  _Points at the collection title._ Yuuuuuuup. Told myself after some of the reaction to my first parent!phan fic where I hinted pretty strongly at surrogacy that I wouldn't do it again, but then this fest happened, and I thought "fuck it." ;O) FTR, People are entitled to their opinions. People are entitled to like/dislike my fics... but anon hate having a go at me because I'm apparently "against adoption"? ~~well, aside from the fact that those people CLEARLY don't knwo me from adam...!~~
> 
> So yeah, that's why I chose this to write this weekend. I do hope you liked it!
> 
> I'm found at [Twitter](https://twitter.com/DryCerealThief) or [Tumblr](https://drycerealthief.tumblr.com) if you want to chat - I do try and respond, occasionally it's even relevant! ;O)


End file.
